Mario Hotel
by Magikoopa981
Summary: Mario suddenly decides to open his own hotel and make it the world's greatest. It'll be a long, weird road, but Luigi is getting dragged along to help, and it seems like everyone and anyone wants a room.
1. Chapter 1: Mario's Idea

Chapter 1: Mario's Idea

Luigi was awakened by the crashing sound of several pots and pans.

"What the hell…?" He mumbled. "Mario, what are you doing?" He rubbed his eyes and turned on his bedside light. Sure enough, Mario's bed was empty, the covers thrown back like someone had been in a panic.

Luigi groaned and got up out of his own bed. "Mario? What are you doing?" He repeated, this time louder. The sound of something shattering was the only response he got.

Luigi made his way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. The light was on and the room was a mess- including Mario kneeling over a shattered vase, picking through the broken pieces. A hungry look was in his eyes, in fact, he looked absolutely mad, as if…

"Oh. Hey Weegee." Mario looked up at Luigi and then went back to work digging through the pieces.

"Mario, what are you doing?" Luigi groaned for a third time. All around the kitchen things were in a complete disarray: all of the cabinets were open, plates were on the floor, the sink was half full, a chair was knocked over, the table it was by was flipped over, the door of a closet that Luigi had once been trapped in was off of its hinges and there was even a scattering of silverware on the kitchen counter.

"Weegee, you gotta help me." Mario stood up and glanced around the room. "I've been-a trying to find that paper. You know that paper?"

"What paper?" Luigi asked. "A newspaper?"

"No, no…like that paper that you write on. Like, when you have an idea, and you want to remember it, and you write it down and stuff…" Mario gestured wildly.

"You mean, like…that notebook I keep on the table between our beds?" Luigi said flatly.

"Hey! That's it!" Mario grinned and slapped Luigi on the back. "Thanks bro, you're a lifesaver!" Mario whistled and walked back to the bedroom, leaving Luigi in the ruined kitchen.

+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+

The next morning Luigi woke up later than usual. He had needed the extra sleep after having to clean up the kitchen last night. Wait a second…if he had overslept…

Luigi turned slowly towards Mario's bed. Yep, he was gone.

"Oh crap. Mario!?" Luigi called.

"I'm in here!" Mario responded cheerfully from the kitchen. Luigi's face turned pale. _He's not making breakfast, is he?_

"Mario, what are you doing?" Luigi said fearfully as he ran for the kitchen.

"I'm-a making breakfast!" Mario responded. There was a small explosion sound. "Oops."

"Mario—oh no." Luigi arrived in the kitchen just in time to see the microwave, stuffed full of metal, plastic, egg shells, ketchup, mushrooms, grapes, and a cup of water burst into flames.

"NOOO! THE NEW MICROWAVE! AAAAAAA!" Mario screamed.

"Mario…gragh!" Luigi held his head for a second and then rushed for the microwave. He quickly dug into the cupboards beneath it and pulled out a spare ice flower that had happened to be stored there. He shoved the thing into his mouth and then used its powers to freeze the microwave solid.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!" Mario continued to scream at the same pitch.

"Mario! Mario!" Luigi shouted. He took a deep breath. "MARIO SHUT UP!" He resisted the urge to slap Mario across the face.

"AAAaaaaaaoooohhhh! Oh hey, you put it out, Weegee." Mario poked the giant slab of ice encasing the microwave. "Nice-a job. How'd you do that?"

"With an ice flower, Mario. The plant we've both used before." Luigi sighed. "Well, at least you're alright. Didn't I tell you never to try to make breakfast again?"

"But Weegee, it's twelve." Mario pointed at the clock hanging in the kitchen. "I was making lunch."

"Lunch? When I came in here you said you were making breakfast!"

"Oh. That's-a cause' I wasn't sure what time it was."

"But…but…" Luigi shook his head and turned his attention to the microwave. "And what even…?" Luigi gestured at the contents inside of the frozen microwave. "What is…what…?"

Mario looked up at Luigi innocently.

"Okay. Okay. Whatever." Luigi shrugged. He sighed. He was pretty hungry. "I think we might have some spare Poptarts. Are you hungry?"

"Oh yea." Mario nodded and ran over to the kitchen table to sit down. "Make-a me some Poptarts!"

"Alright." Luigi reached into the cupboard and found the Poptarts, of which there were exactly two packages left: both Mushroom flavor. _Doesn't he ever get sick of mushrooms? _Luigi wondered sourly. He looked for the toaster. "Hey Mario, where's the…" Luigi stopped in place. He slowly turned around and peered into the microwave.

Sure enough, crammed way into the back behind a pile of metal shavings was a crumpled and destroyed toaster.

_Deep breaths. Deep breaths. _Luigi shook his head and made his way over to the table, carrying the Poptarts with him.

"Oh boy!" Mario clapped his hands together.

+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+

A few minutes later Luigi finished his Poptarts. Mario was almost halfway done with his first.

"Mario, stop eating your Poptart like a rabbit." Luigi complained.

"Why?" Mario said rebelliously.

"Uh…" Luigi stopped. "Well…never mind I guess." Maybe he was too hard on his brother sometimes.

The two sat in silence for a moment, save for Mario making rabbit noises.

"Say, Mario…" Luigi grasped for a conversation topic. "You…uh…what was that you needed the paper for last night? You had that amazing idea and you needed to write it down, right?"

Mario dropped his Poptart. "Oh yea!" He said excitedly. He ran for the bedroom.

Mario came back four minutes later frowning. "Hey Weegee, I think the warp pipe to the bathroom has disappeared again. I couldn't find it."

"Uh…" Luigi paused. "You don't get to the bathroom by warp pipe. It's right over there." Luigi pointed to a nearby door.

Mario stared at the door, then turned back to Luigi, stared at the door again, and then turned back the way he had come from the bedroom. "But…then…what-a was…?" Mario held his head in his hands. He dropped his arms and shook his head. "Ah well." He sat down again.

"So what was your idea?" Luigi said as patiently as he could.

"Oh yea! I forgot about that!" Mario got up and ran back towards the bedroom. He came back quickly this time with the notepad. "Let's-a see…oh yea, I forgot before I could write it down."

Luigi face-palmed for a solid six seconds.

"Hey, but it's-a okay." Mario put the notepad down. "Right before I got into bed again I thought of a _better _idea!"

Luigi raised an eyebrow sarcastically. "An idea better than the one you'd forgotten about?"

"That's-a right!" Mario grinned. "It's genius! Listen closely!"

"Yeah, I'm listening." Luigi sighed in an incredibly bored tone. He was used to his brother by now: after all of this build-up it was just going to be something minor and pointless.

"I'm-a gonna open my own hotel!" Mario sprang from his seat, the force of his half-jump knocking it several feet away. "I'm-a gonna run the Mushroom Kingdom…no, the WORLD's…BEST hotel! And everyone is gonna want to stay there!"

Luigi's jaw dropped. "_What? _Why?" Where the heck had this idea come from? Wait…wait…oh no…

"Weegee, remember when we-a went to all those-a Koopa Hotels? Bowser had kidnapped the Princess again and we had to find her if we could!" Mario arched his back valiantly. "And we did!"

"Mario, that was…" Luigi groaned. He had never found a way to tell Mario about what had REALLY happened that day. They had foolishly eaten lotsa spaghetti which had been sprinkled with bad mushrooms by Bowser in an attempt to stop the Mario Bros. from saving the Princess. Heavily confused and under a mysterious influence, they still managed to do it, much to Bowser's furious anger.

"And I remember thinkin' 'gee, these hotels are really something'. But they were EVIL hotels Weegee! We gotta make a GOOD hotel!" Mario waved his hands in the air. "And I'm-a gonna call it MARIO HOTEL!"

Even after all these years Luigi still couldn't decide if his brother was very stupid or somewhat insane.

"Yup. So that's-a what we're gonna do." Mario sat back down with an assured smile on his face. Luigi stared at him and tried to decide where to begin.

"Mario…where…okay, first of all…where are we going to put this hotel? And how are we going to buy it? You spent all of our coins on that stupid plunger collection."

"No-a problem." Mario waved a hand in the air nonchalantly. "We already have a hotel. Your mansion."

"My…my what?" Luigi paled.

"You don't-a remember Weegee? I got turned into a very sexy painting by King Boo and then you rescued me with the power of housecleaning!"

"Sexy…? Housecleaning…?" Luigi groaned.

"Yea. So you don't use that mansion at all…we can turn it into a hotel!" Mario jumped up again. "It will be the best hotel in the WHOLE WORLD and EVERYONE WILL STAY THERE and…"

"Yeah yeah I get it." Luigi got up and began walking for the door.

"Weeeeeegeeeee where are you going?" Mario whined like a needy baby.

"I'm going shopping." Luigi said simply. "We're basically out of food."

"Even Poptarts?" Mario whimpered.

"Even Poptarts." Luigi sighed.

"Oh no." Mario whispered.

"Anyway…I'm going to be out for the next few hours. I expect you to behave while I'm gone." Luigi shook his finger at Mario. "I don't want to find any cultists in the house again."

"I promise it'll never happen again." Mario said innocently.

"Alright. Good. Ciao." Luigi waved goodbye and headed out, taking an empty tool bag with him. He made sure there were some coins with him before he jumped into the warp pipe that was right outside.

Luigi hopped out again in Toad Town, landing right in the middle of a road. He was immediately attacked with a roaring honking sound.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING MUSHROOM BREATH!" Someone screamed, barely swerving out of Luigi's way.

"Mama mia!" Luigi yelled, falling backwards and out of the road. It appeared that a new highway had been built right through the center of Toad Town. "What-a the he…"

"Luigi! Are you okay?!" Luigi turned at the sweet sound of the familiar voice.

Princess Daisy hurriedly walked over from a nearby shop, moving creatively so that she didn't trip on her high heels. She reached a gentle, gloved hand down to help Luigi up.

"Oh, thank you Daisy." Luigi reached for Daisy's hand.

"Jinx!" Daisy swiped her hand away at the last second, leaving leaning Luigi to fall over onto the grimy sidewalk. She burst into laughter. "Gahahahahaha you always fall for that one Louie!"

"Thanks Daisy." Luigi muttered through a mouthful of dirt.

"Awright, awright, for real's this time." Daisy stuck her hand out again. Luigi reached carefully for it, managing to find its strong and warm grip this time. He stood up and Daisy helped brush the dirt off of his shoulders.

"Daisy, what is going on?" Luigi wondered, jerking his head towards the busy highway that came near the warp pipe.

"What is going on? Where've you been for the last couple a' days?"

"Taking care of my brother." Luigi leaned up against a wall. "He got a little sick and I couldn't leave him without him throwing a tantrum."

"DON'T LEAN AGAINST THAT WALL." Someone screamed from a window. Luigi hastily got off of the wall.

"Ah yeah, I see how it is." Daisy nodded. "That brother of yours is really something special, huh?"

"Yeah…" Luigi sighed.

"Say, why don't we talk?" Daisy began walking. "I was just heading downtown here for some coffee. Wanna join me?"

"Of course." Luigi said all too quickly. He blushed and turned away, but it seemed that Daisy had been distracted by something in a store window at the moment anyway.

+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+

"A highway?" Luigi asked, stirring some sugar into his coffee.

"Yep, between Mushroom City and Chai." Daisy gulped down a cringe-worthy portion of her boiling hot drink. "Automobiles have been getting so popular recently…and Peach and I figured that it'd be good for our kingdoms to be a little more connected."

"So it's being driven right through the center of Toad Town?" Luigi looked out of the café window where there was a direct view of the road.

"It's not that much different from how it was before, eh?" Daisy shrugged. "The brick road's just getting replaced with asphalt."

"I don't know…this, uh, asphalt's… kind of nasty stuff…"

"You're kind of nasty stuff!" Daisy laughed. She reached into her dress and pulled out three chili peppers which she dropped into her coffee.

"Whatever…" Luigi mumbled.

"Are you mad about almost getting run over?" Daisy asked. "I can get the warp pipe moved over a bit so that you don't jump out into the road again."

"That would be helpful." Luigi said understatedly. He happened to take a look at his watch. "What the…?"

"What is it?" Daisy roughly grabbed Luigi's arm to see the watch.

"H-hey!" Luigi wrested out of her grip. "It's…really late." It was already 5 PM. "I basically told Mario I would be back by three…shoot, I gotta go."

"Oh…really?" A hint of something crept into Daisy's voice, but it vanished quickly. "Alright…well…yes, I suppose I need to get back to my kingdom soon." Daisy stood up dramatically. "My people need me!"

_I could've sworn I was only here for a half-hour at most…yet it's already been five hours. What the heck happened? _Luigi pointlessly tapped his watch a few times.

"See ya Louie!" Daisy was already running out the door.

"Goodbye, Princess Daisy!" Luigi called. He wished that he had felt all of the time that he had spent. Had he been in a daze or something? Whatever, he had to focus on shopping. He needed to get back to the house as quickly as possible.

+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+

"Okay, I'm all done with shopping; hopefully Mario hasn't done anything too crazy while I've been gone." Luigi said to himself.

Luigi jumped out of the warp pipe to find the house gone, replaced with a hole in the ground.

"GodDAMMIT!" Luigi shouted, a rare moment of completely losing his temper. He dropped his tool bag on the ground which had the groceries in it. Something inside cracked, presumably the eggs.

"Hey Weegee." Mario, covered with dirt, crawled out of the hole. "I couldn't find the treasure."

"_What the hell Mario!?" _Luigi seethed. "_Where is our house?!" _

"Oh boy." Mario turned back to look at the hole. "Oh yeah…that's a pretty crazy story bro. You won't believe what happened…"

Luigi took several deep breaths and managed to halfway compose himself. "Okay…what happened?"

"Well…it all started a few weeks ago…" Mario began.

"NO IT %$# DIDN'T!" Luigi screamed. "THIS WAS NOT HOW THE HOUSE WAS WHEN I LEFT IT A FEW HOURS AGO!"

"Mama mia. Never mind then." Mario folded his hands.

"Wait…wait…what about my…" Luigi ran forward and jumped into the pit. "My…my…" He scrambled around where the secret basement of the house would've been. _My diary…_Luigi thought.

"I didn't-a find the treasure but I did find this weird book." Mario flipped through some pages. "This is-a weird Weegee. I think-a this book has been watching us! It even-a calls me stupid!"

"Gahhh….!" Luigi jumped back out of the hole.

"No book, you are the stupid-a one!" Mario threw the book on the ground and began to stomp on it.

"Stop, stop!" Luigi pushed Mario away and scrambled for the book. He grabbed it and brought it to his chest.

"Weegee! What are you-a doing? That book has insulted my honor!" Mario took a battle stance. "I must-a defend my honor."

"Please just shut up Mario." Luigi groaned. He hastily stuffed the book into his tool bag. "I don't know what the hell happened but it's too cold out here to talk. We need to go back to Toad Town. It looks like we're going to have to rent a hotel room for the foreseeable future."

"Rent?" Mario cocked his head questioningly. "Why would we need to rent-a hotel room Weegee? We _have-a_ hotel."

"What? We…?" Luigi stopped. He had completely forgotten about Mario's nonsense earlier that day. Mario went through so many stupid ideas and thoughts every day that Luigi usually made sure to forget about them, just as Mario did. The fact that he was still thinking of something from earlier in the day was almost unheard of.

"We must-a set off on a quest for You-a Mansion!" Mario pointed a finger straight up in the air in a declaratory fashion.

"Ughh…Mario…look…"

"WEEGEE! No ifs, ands, or vegetables! We must pack our bags and go!" Mario glanced down at the tool bag. "And it-a appears that our bags are all ready! We depart!"

+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+

Luigi's Mansion: Luigi hadn't been to it for a year- ever since he had cleared it of ghosts. The place was dingy, nasty, and would cost way too much to clean up, so it simply wasn't worth the investment. Luigi had tried to sell it to some intrepid businessman, but no one would come near the place…it was rumored to still be haunted. Soon enough, the rumor ended up being true as small, weak ghosts began to re-infest the place.

It had only taken a few hours to reach the house using a warp pipe system. Luigi dropped the bag in front of the front door and facepalmed for a moment. He couldn't believe he was honestly coming back here.

"Just-a think, Weegee." Mario stepped back a few feet and took in the whole mansion. "Someday…this will be-a big, bustling hotel. Everyone will-a come here…every-a room will be filled…we will have-a parties and balls and-a lotsa ice cream."

"Whatever Mario." Luigi sighed.

"Tonight we sleep!" Mario clapped his hands together. "But tomorrow the work begins! We-a clean this place up and begin our climb to making the fat-a stacks!"

"Right, right, whatever." Luigi sighed. "Let's just try to find some beds that aren't moldy."

"Oh boy!" Mario ran inside like it was Christmas morning. Luigi followed slowly, thinking of Halloween night.

Mario had never been so focused on an idea before, other than rescuing Princess Peach. This whole situation reeked of being a recipe for disaster.


	2. Chapter 2: Luigi Cleans Up

**Well, I am extremely happy and grateful for the immediate feedback I've received for this story. My specialty is serious fictions and horror fictions, and while I love to write humor, I hadn't really tried a long-term project such as this. Here's some individual responses:**

** 1KamZ: Thank you very much :) I loved writing the part with Luigi's diary. **

** Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: It is an honor to have my story followed by one of the board's top writers. Thank you so much for reading, and also thank you for mentioning that you were reading everything in actual Hotel Mario voices. I reread what I had written like that and I couldn't breathe.**

** Stuffwell359: Um...wow. Thanks O_O I hope that on average I'm able to keep up with that level of entertainment for even one person. **

Chapter 2: Luigi Cleans Up

Luigi was having something of a bad dream.

"WEEGEEEEEE! HELP-A ME! THE BOOS ARE TAKING ME AGAIN!"

"No…not again…" Luigi tried to go after his brother, but the big boo that was carrying him away was too fast. "No…I…I can't bother…going through that stupid mansion again…"

"WEEGEE! I'M GOING TO PEE MYSELF THIS IS SO SCARY!" Mario screamed. Luigi stretched his arm out as if to reach Mario, but the boo disappeared with him.

"Not again…dang it." Luigi dropped his outstretched arm. Then he shrugged. "Oh well. Whatever. HEY, YOU CAN KEEP HIM THIS TIME!" Luigi called. Then he turned around and walked out of the mansion.

Luigi was awakened by several loud crashing sounds.

"Thank Eldstar…it was just a dream." Luigi started to slip out of the moldy bed he had been forced to sleep in for the previous night. "Say…where's Mario?"

"WEEEEEEEGEEEEEEE! HELP-A ME!"

"Oh my god this can't be happening." Luigi tried to slap himself awake.

"THE BOOS ARE TAKING ME! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Mario, damn it all!" Luigi ran for the door of the room he was in. He twisted and jerked at the doorknob, but it was locked. "No!"

"OH NO MY UNDERWEAR!" Mario screamed from somewhere.

Luigi futilely jerked at the doorknob for a few more seconds before looking for another way out. The room was dark, so Luigi was forced to slowly stumble around with his hands out in front of him. Something rolled out from under the bed and right into his way. Luigi tripped spectacularly.

"Ouch!" He yelped. He fumbled around in the darkness to find what had tripped him and found a Boo Ball. "Oh great." Luigi muttered. Boos were definitely back in the mansion. "Mario?" Luigi called out. Dead silence. Awesome.

Luigi stood up and began walking around slowly again. His eyes had now adjusted somewhat to the darkness and he was able to make his way to the only other way out of the room: a window overlooking a creepy graveyard. The glass was still broken, same as it was when Luigi had used it to reveal a ghost named Lydia that been hiding in the room. "No wonder it was so cold last night…" Luigi muttered. He punched out the rest of the glass that was in the window and then started climbing through.

"Maybe if I stretch I can grab the balcony…" Luigi told himself. He reached out to grab it and missed, instead falling and landing on his stomach ten feet below with a painful WHUMP. "W-Why…did…I…come…back here?"

When Luigi could breathe sufficiently again he went into the nearest door and found himself inside the Kitchen.

"Gahh…how am I going to take on the ghosts again without the Poltergust 3000?" Luigi wondered to himself. He had lost the thing shortly after clearing the mansion before.

"Hey'd…'ja hear that guys? He said he doesn't have the Poltergust!" A spooky voice said nearby.

"Let's get 'im!" Another said.

"Oh no." Luigi said.

Three boos burst out of the room's oven, flying straight for Luigi. Luigi screamed like a girl and ran for the nearest door, which led into the Dining Room. Ten more boos were at the table, eating some kind of unidentified meat.

"So I say to Boonie, I say, 'Gurrlllllll boo need some serious tan work, you are as white as a SHEET!'" A boo with way too much lipstick said to another. "But then she was like 'Mmmm Boonita you don't know me, I happen to get some boodacious offers looking like I do, _know what I'm sayin', mmmm?_' and then I'm like…"

"MAKE WAY!" Luigi yelled. Panicking, he jumped onto the dining table and ran into the main course, accidently kicking plates of spaghetti and weird meat into the eating boo's faces.

"MY MAKEUP!" Boonita screamed as a plateful of hot pasta with sauce smothered her face.

"I'm sorry!" Luigi called back. His mind was running to fast to connect who he was actually yelling to. He slipped through the door and emerged into a cold, dark, but safe hallway. He slammed the door shut behind him and rested his body against it. "Okay, time to catch my breath."

"Boo are kidding, right?" The three original boos and seven new angry ones emerged out of the wall.

"Oh no." Luigi said.

"You ruined my makeup...YOU ARE SO BOOED!" Boonita screamed, with strings of spaghetti still stuck to her face.

Luigi ran and the boos followed, Boonita with her fierce blue eye liner now leading the charge.

"This is really, really bad…" Luigi muttered to himself. "And I still have no idea where Mario is…wait! Maybe he's…" A creepy underground chamber appeared in Luigi's mind. "I bet Mario is back in the Altar…where he was the last time I was here." Luigi headed for a door up ahead leading to the basement.

"Please, please nothing else be locked." It wasn't. Luigi ran down the stone steps into the basement, the boos still following after him. One of them took out a cell phone.

"Hey, Boo-rad? You boosy right now? We're chasing that dumb plumber Luigi…boo should bring your gang to come help us."

"Oh COME ON!" Luigi yelled.

"That's bood to hear! We're heading for the basement." The boo hung up.

By the time he had made it to the basement hallway Luigi was being chased by a mob of twenty boos.

"Once we catch im', let's serve him up with tomato sauce." One of the boos suggested to another.

"Nah, I'd rather have him with garlic sauce." The other boo suggested back.

Luigi was too terrified to listen to the vaguely racist chatter. He made it through the Altar door and slammed it shut behind him. Unlike outside the kitchen, however, the boos didn't come after him.

"He went inside the evil room!" A boo said from outside.

"The room King Boo told us to never go into…?"

"What~ever, it doesn't matter! There's no way out of that room- he'll have to come out eventually, and we can just sit and wait until he comes out!" Boonita said haughtily.

"You mean float and wait."

"Shut up!" Boonita screeched. She had been having a terrible horrible no good very bad day.

Luigi breathed out a large amount of air and sat down against the door. After a short moment he opened his eyes and looked around the Altar where Mario's painting had once been stored. The chandeliers were there as well as the stone pillars and creepy lion statues, although the room was now devoid of any paintings. Being in the room reminded Luigi of the jewel he had found in one of the chandeliers, a jewel which had turned out to be fake, like literally every other jewel Luigi had found in the mansion.

Once it had all been over Luigi had had one hard night of drinking.

"BOOOO…"

Luigi jumped five feet. There was someone, no, something else in the room with him- something was hiding behind one of the room's stone pillars.

"W-w-who are you?" Luigi called. He felt himself shaking. _No! I have to be brave!_

"Who, me?" Some boo replied from behind the door.

"No, shut up!" Luigi snapped back.

"I AM THE NEW MASTER OF THIS MANSION." A short white form emerged from behind the pillar. "BOOOOOO!"

"No!" Luigi squeaked. "Don't come any closer!"

"Um, we can't come in…" Said a boo through the door.

"Nooooooo!" Luigi screamed as the thing jerked nearer and nearer to him.

Mario whipped off the blanket and started laughing uncontrollably at Luigi. "BWA HA HA WEEGEE YOU'RE SO GULLIBLE!"

"M-Mario?" Luigi gasped.

"Oh Weegee, what's-a that smell?" Mario sniffed. "Did you pee yourself? HA HA HA, I should call you-a Peegee!"

"If he peed himself I'm not eating him." An irritated voice said from behind the door.

"Mario, what the hell?!" Luigi wiped the tears off of his face. "What are you…what are you doing?! Did you get away from the boos?"

"Boos?! Ha ha ha Luigi there aren't any boos in this mansion anymore! You-a cleared them out! I was just-a having fun!" Mario put the sheet back on and started drifting around, hands out at his sides. "Booooo I am very scary!"

"Mario!" Luigi growled. "There are definitely boos still in this mansion, and because of you, we're now trapped by a bunch of them!"

"Ha ha ha really?!" Mario walked into one of the pillars and fell over. "Ouch!"

"Omigosh guys, I think Mario is in there boo!" Boonita told the other boos. "I think we're looking at a full course!"

"Yummy!" Said another boo.

"I said I'm not eating Luigi if he peed himself!"

"Ughhh we are so screwed." Luigi clutched the sides of his head and tried to think.

"Mmmm honey I already said and would say you are _booed_." Boonita said through the door. "Do you get it?"

"Shut up!" Luigi slammed a fist against the door.

"What if we-a crawl through the statue?" Mario offered, referring to the lion head statue on the left side of the room. On the other side was a ladder leading up to the Courtyard.

"We'd never fit." Luigi replied morosely.

"HMMMM…" Mario tapped his foot on the ground. "I-a know! We can destroy it with this weird thing I found!" Mario ran behind the pillar on the left side of the room and pulled out a red vacuum cleaner. He began whacking the lion's head statue with the device's nozzle. "Take-a that!" Mario yelled.

"Mario!" Luigi ran over and ripped the Poltergust 3000 out of Mario's grip. "The Poltergust 3000…was this where it was the whole time?"

"Poultry lust?" Mario said confusedly.

"No! Mario, this is what I used to save you last time we were here!" Mario stared at him with total incomprehension. "This is the vacuum I sucked those ghosts up with!" Luigi added this quietly. He didn't want to have the boos overhear- he wanted to give them a nasty surprise.

"OH BOY!" Yelled Mario. "WOOPEE!"

"Mario-!" Luigi whispered desperately.

"Hey-a boos! Luigi's gonna come out there and suck-a you up with his vaccum!" Mario yelled. The boos hadn't been paying attention any more.

"What did he say?" A boo asked.

"I think he said Luigi is going to suck us." Another boo said tentatively.

"Stupid stupid stupid!" Luigi growled to himself. "All-a right! Enough of this nonsense! I'm-a back, baby!" Luigi kicked the door open like a badass, smacking a boo that had been sitting nearby.

"Ow!" The boo whined.

"Now you're the ones who are booed!" Luigi shouted. He grinned and pointed the vacuum at the resting and caught-off-guard boos.

"Oh boop." Boonita gasped.

Luigi switched the Poltergust on. Immediately a tremendous amount of air began to suck at the boos, foremost Boonita who was straight ahead and closest. "Son of a bootch!" She screamed.

"Enough with the boo puns!" Luigi roared. He increased the power of the suction, and Boonita began to disappear into the nozzle.

"Yah, go Weegee, yah yah, go Weegee!" Mario called from behind, doing a celebratory dance.

"Yeah yeah yeah!" Luigi grinned, enjoying the utter bood-lust that was about to occur. Maybe coming back to the mansion wasn't so bad after all. He felt really alive again.

Then the Poltergust made some coughing sounds and shut off, with Boonita halfway into it. Luigi's moustache drooped.

"What the _hell_?!" Boonita crowed. She looked around and then began wiggling her tiny boo arms in an attempt to get free.

"Honey, your booty is stuck." Laughed another boo.

"Gurl, I'm going to boot the crap out of boo once I get out of here." Boonita wiggled fiercely.

"Weegee, what happened?!" Mario asked.

"I think it's out of batteries." Luigi said quietly.

"You mean booteries." Offered a rather large sized boo nearby.

"I'd say it's got plenty of that right now." His boo buddie whispered to him.

"Ya'll are SO dead." Boonita approximately doubled the rate of her wiggling.

Luigi slowly backed away from the Poltergust 3000. There was really no hope now, unless Boonita planned on beating up all of her brethren.

"Weegee, what are you-a doing?" Mario asked. He walked towards the boos. "The Poltergust 3000 doesn't take-a batteries."

"Wha…" _Wait…no, it doesn't. _Luigi's brain jumped. How had Mario remembered that?

Mario ripped open the back of the Poltergust 3000 and reached inside. It appeared that a large amount of the wiring was missing. The small army of boos stalled their attack out of curiosity.

"If you touch me I WILL boo-reak you." Boonita warned.

"Here we-a go!" Mario pulled out an odd black costume. Luigi squinted at it: it was strangely familiar…

Mario whipped it on and took on the appearance of a Hammer Bro, complete with two hammers already held in both hands. A Hammer Suit! Luigi hadn't seen one in years.

"I stored my-a Hammer Suit in the vacuum cleaner in case I ever-a needed it again." Mario took on a battle stance. "So…boos…you know what-a time it is?"

"7:36 AM." A boo with glasses peered down at his watch.

"NO! It's a HAMMER TIME!"

"Ugh." Luigi facepalmed.

"WHOA OH WHOA OH WHOA OH" Mario started tossing the hammers at high speed. As he threw, new ones popped into existence in his hands. "WEEGEE! Support-a me!"

"Wha…?" Luigi glanced at the broken Poltergust. It wouldn't have worked taking on all of the boos alone, but if he was acting as support…

Luigi grabbed the Poltergust's nozzle, swinging the still stuck Boonita in the air.

"BOO-OY YOU BETTER PUT ME DOWN!" Boonita screamed.

"No more boo puns!" Luigi shouted again, full of adrenaline. He began furiously swinging the Poltergust nozzle, smacking the panicking boos with it and Boonita.

"AAAAAAAA!" Boonita screamed.

"YAAAAAAA!" Yelled Mario and Luigi in symphony. They were in fighting harmony- if there was one thing Mario was good at, it was beating the crap out of enemies, and Luigi loved to help. Luigi was able to stun a boo with a hard smack, at which point Mario would take it down with a hard-hitting hammer throw.

It was barely a minute before the room was almost completely clear of boos, all having fled the mansion for some safer place- with the exception of Boonita, who was entirely knocked out by that point. Luigi dropped the vacuum with a clatter and breathed. Dang he had needed a rush like that!

"YEAH! GET OUT OF OUR HOTEL YOU STINKY BOOS!" Mario yelled at no one, except for possibly Boonita who couldn't hear anything at the moment.

"Mario." Luigi said seriously. Mario looked over worriedly.

"Brofist." Luigi grinned, raising a fist. Mario's jaw dropped with joy and he slammed his fist into Luigi's fist.

Luigi picked up the half-clogged vacuum. Mario followed him up and outside where Luigi placed the Poltergust down and pressed the release button. Boonita went flying out and into a well-placed mud hole. The splash of mud woke her up.

"See ya later, boo-yotch!" Mario called. Luigi laughed and the two headed back for the mansion.

Boonita floated up slowly and tried to brush some of the mud off of her body.

"Those boostards," She thought furiously, floating into the nearby forest. "They will be SO sorry!" She literally shook with anger. "Once I find King Daddy…they will be BOOBERRY FREAKIN' TOAST!"

+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+

+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+

**Author's Note: I freely admit there are way too many boo puns.**


	3. Chapter 3: Peach Pays A Visit

**Sorry for the delay everyone, and thank you all again for reviews!**

Chapter 3: Peach Pays A Visit

About a week after Mario and Luigi's encounters with the boos, Princess Peach heard about the brothers new home and decided to pay them a visit as their first "guest". Coming along with her was Toadsworth (ever by her side), THE Toad…you know, THAT Toad, (who wanted to see how the mansion was coming along), and Stuffwell.

"STOP! STOP! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Stuffwell screamed as he was chased around the throne room by Toad.

"Hee hee hee" Toad giggled, preparing to pounce.

"It's quite a nice day outside, isn't it?" Peach commented blankly to Gadd.

"Er, yes…" watched Stuffwell run into the wall. A painting that was hanging up fell and landed on Toad, sending him to another universe or something.

"Oh thank briefcase." Stuffwell gasped. He fell over, panting.

"Erm, Princess Peach, errr…" Toadsworth began to try to tell Peach about Toad's fate.

"Shut up, doggy." Peach snapped haughtily. She jerked the leash that she had tied around Toadsworth's neck, sending him toppling over. "My goodness, he can be talkative."

"Yes, he can…" Gadd said merely to please Peach. "In any case, your majesty, is it not about time we left?" Privately, he was glad that that little creep Toad had disappeared.

"Oh, is it time to go?" Peach glanced down at her watch-less arm. "Where's my watch?"

"By the _bee's_ _knees_ your majesty, you don't have-YURK" Toadsworth managed to say before Peach snapped at the leash.

"His catch phrases or whatever are not my cup of tea." Peach said ironically. "In any case…we can't leave until Stuffwell is packed."

"WHAT?" Stuffwell gasped.

"That's why we're bringing you along, dear." Peach chided. "My dresses and my makeup go inside you."

"It's what you're made for." Gadd commented. "Your name, my boy, is _literally _Stuffwell."

"And we're going to stuff you well with my dresses." Peach looked around the room. "Hm, where is Toad?"

On some kind of supernatural cue, Toad just happened to fall out of a wild west-style painting that was glued to the ceiling, plummeting right for Stuffwell.

"Yeehaw!" Toad screamed. Stuffwell simply screamed in response.

THUMP.

"I got him, your majesty." Toad giggled, tightly holding Stuffwell.

"Eh wot, I don't understand the problem." Toadsworth tried to stand. "Didn't Mario and Luigi have an adventure with you where they stuffed you full of ite…GLARK"

Peach yanked the leash.

"That was erased in a time paradox!" Stuffwell needlessly explained frantically. "In the new timeline that was created, I was created with a technological malfunction that gives me a fear of being stuffed!"

"Well, that's pointlessly complicated." Peach sighed. "It's almost as if you felt the need to explain a silly joke like it was part of an overcomplicated, inappropriately serious, and disgustingly violent fantasy story."

"Well, I for one," Toadsworth said stoutly, "do not jolly understand how you even knew about this time paradox…SMURKLE"

"You'd probably avoid that if you stopped using ethnically mysterious catchphrases." Gadd whispered to Toadsworth.

"ANYWAY!" Stuffwell screamed. "CAN WE GET BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND? Princess Peach, please tell this cretin to unhand me!"

Toad snapped his teeth at Stuffwell.

"No." Peach replied simply. "As I said, I need to store my dresses somewhere… and you are made to store things."

"That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt!" Stuffwell squealed.

"Toad, open him up."

Toad grinned and gripped both edges of Stuffwell's lid.

"OH MY GOD NOOO!" Stuffwell screamed.

"Once you're done, Toad, meet us down by the Taxi." Peach called over her shoulder. She, Gadd, and Toadsworth left the soon-to-be-grisly scene.

+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+

Several hours later the Taxi dropped Peach, Toadsworth, Gadd, and Toad (carrying Stuffwell) off at the edge of Boo Woods. It was convenient that the new road connecting Chai and Mushroom City had just managed to finish construction in that area.

"Wow…" Peach shivered at the frightening woods. "So this is where Luigi rescued Mario."

"Well, _technically_ my dear, it was in the mansion we are heading to that Luigi rescued Mario." Gadd said rather obnoxiously.

"Mansion?" Peach asked.

"Err…yes. The mansion we were just speaking of four hours ago…"

"I must've forgotten." Peach scratched her head.

"By the admiral's scotch," Toadsworth spoke up against his better judgment. "Did you take your medicine this morn-HARGHAL"

"Anyway, let's get going." Peach said brightly.

+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+O+

"Mario, put it down."

"NO! I-a want it."

"Mario. Put it down."

"No! You can't-a have it Weegee."

"MARIO. This is your last warning. Put. It. Down."

Usually, Mario would've stopped doing whatever he was doing by this point, but it seemed he had found something to be especially obsessed with.

"Weegee! You will never-a take my scotch egg away from me!" Mario danced away from Luigi and held the strange round object in his hand tightly.

"Mario!" Luigi resisted the urge to shout. "That is NOT a scotch egg. That is a BOO egg."

"No it's not Weegee! I can hear-a music when I put my ear up to it!" Mario put his ear up to the spotted gray sphere he was holding. A weird screaming sound echoed out of it.

"That's it. Mario…" Luigi started walking towards Mario.

"Stop Weegee, or I eat the egg!" Mario moved the egg towards his mouth.

"Mario!" Luigi growled. Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"Oooh…you better go-a answer it, Weegee." Mario taunted.

"Mario, I swear, you better put that egg down right now." Luigi warned.

"HA! You admit it's an egg!"

"I never said it wasn't an egg! I said it wasn't a scotch egg!" Luigi said exasperatingly. "…Mario, do you even know what a scotch egg is?" The doorbell rang again.

"Well, I'm-a going to answer the door." Mario headed for the way out of the kitchen. Luigi blocked his way.

"Mario, give me that egg, or you're not going anywhere." Luigi held his hand out. "Just… give me the egg…slowly."

"No…" Mario backed away. He suddenly ran for the back door of the kitchen that led to the Boneyard. He jerked at the handle with all of his might, but found that it was locked. "Oh no." Mario whispered.

"The game is up, Mario." Luigi said confidently. _Please don't let him figure out that he could still threaten to eat the egg._ He thought.

"Ha!" Mario spun around. "Are you forgetting something, Weegee? I still have one last trick left up my sleeve!"

_Crap…_

"My dancing skills!" Mario began doing the tango. "Some-a say they are even…a dance revolution."

"Oh my god." Luigi facepalmed. "Mario, please…"

"You can't-a stop this funky beat now that it's started, Weegee!" Mario began a fast-paced goose step dance.

"Mario, be careful, you'll…"

"Oh no!" Mario slipped on a patch of spilled water and went flying forwards, the egg flying out of his grip. Luigi managed to just barely catch it by falling backwards a bit and cupping his hands. Before Mario could get up, Luigi quickly pocketed the egg.

"Scotch Egg!" Mario cried, getting up. He had been face down when Luigi had caught it, and hadn't seen him catch it. "Poor Scotch Egg…"

"It's gone to a better place now, Mario." Luigi said comfortingly. He put a hand on his brother's shoulder and had a fleeting thought of strangling the stupid jerk. Then the doorbell began ringing over and over again.

Luigi ran for the door.

"I've got it, I've got it!" He ripped the door open. An irritated Princess Peach, an abused Toadsworth, a sweating Gadd, and a creepy Toad grinning up at Luigi while holding a crying Stuffwell all stood at the front door.

"What took you so long?" Peach demanded angrily, pushing past Luigi. "Mario? Mario?" She called. Toadsworth was dragged after her.

"Ah…er…a longer walk than I remember…" Gadd gasped. He pushed past Luigi as well.

Toad merely continued to grin up at Luigi until Luigi diverted his eyes out of discomfort.

"Oh god…they're forty dresses inside of me." Stuffworth cried. "If I could breathe…I wouldn't be able to."

"Right…" Luigi started to turn away. "Are you coming inside, or…?"

Toad scurried inside so fast that Luigi jumped back in surprise. Luigi gathered his breath and then shut the door.

"Peaches!" An obnoxious yell came from the other side of the room.

"Mario!" Peach cried. She ran toward Mario who had emerged through the foyer's back door and hugged him. "Oh Mario…I ran the kingdom deficit up a teensy bit and I need some money to buy dresses."

"Okey dokey." Mario responded faithfully.

"Um, Mario…" Luigi began.

"Peach, please, we cannot take any more money from these jolly good fellows…HURFALGOR" Toadsworth finished.

"Toadsworth, if you keep acting up, we have your crate here…I had Stuffwell bring it." Peach said sweetly, gesturing to the grossly bloated Stuffwell.

"I see the light…" Stuffwell whispered.

"How much fits into that guy?" Luigi asked Gadd.

"Hmm, I don't really remember…" Gadd said thoughtfully. "I suppose we'll know when Stuffwell explodes."

"Ha…ha…funny as always, professor…" Stuffwell laughed weakly.

"Well, if you think so…" Gadd said, missing the point completely, "You might also find it humorous to know that even if you break apart you'll still continue feeling it all."

"Why oh why would you design me like that? Someone please set me on fire now."

"What-a brings you here, Princess?" Mario asked.

"We wanted to see your mansion…" Peach explained. "When did you get it?"

"It's my mansion…" Luigi complained feebly.

"We just talked about it, Princess…" Gadd scratched his head. "…You don't recall?"

"Hmm…no." Peach said. "Funny how the mind works. Like that time I got lost in a closet. I went in, and it was dark, and I kept spinning around…"

_What does that have to do with anything?! _Luigi thought outrageously.

"Mama mia!" Mario said grandly. "The EXACT-A same thing happened to me once!"

_A match made in heaven. _Luigi reconfirmed with himself.

"Hey, you know Weegee once got lost in a closet too!" Mario pointed at Luigi. "Hee hee, that's so embarrassing for you, Luigi!"

"What!" Luigi turned at the sudden memory. "I did not get lost! You locked me in there!"

"Mario…locked you in there?" Gadd asked, puzzled.

"Ugh…yeah, it's a long story." Luigi groaned. "Well, actually, maybe not…it'd probably be about 741 words, to be honest."

"Whatever, this conversation is boring me." Peach stretched. "I want some food. It's been a long day. I had to sit in a smelly taxi all day and listen to a smelly paratroopa complain about losing his job at the post office."

"Well, it has definitely been a long day." Luigi thought of chasing Mario around all day trying to get the egg. "And I can certainly cook something up…what do you all want?"

"I want my scotch egg." Mario suddenly whined.

"Mario, drop it." Luigi said sternly.

"Eh wot? I do love a scotch eg- TATANGA"

"C'mon everyone." Luigi led the way to the kitchen.

About fifteen minutes later, Luigi was in the kitchen cooking up sautéed mushrooms (after Mario's childish insistence) and whistling a bright cheery tune. Everyone else was in the dining room, waiting for their food, but Luigi didn't mind being alone. He loved to cook…even if he had to eat mushrooms, once again.

Suddenly, the egg in his pocket began to vibrate. Luigi's eyes widened and he pulled the egg out slowly. A crack was starting to form in it.

"Uh oh." Luigi stared at the egg.

Meanwhile, in the dining room, Mario and the rest had begun playing a game of charades.

"Oh oh I-a know! You are a dead-a person!" Mario pointed at Stuffworth's bulging and paralyzed form.

"I'm not playing!" Stuffworth yelled back.

"What a party-pooper." Mario turned to Toadsworth. "Okey dokey, it's-a Toadsworth's turn!"

"Umm…" Toadsworth tried to stand in front of everyone, but was stopped by the length of his leash.

"Oh, alright." Peach sighed. She loosened the leash two knots, finally allowing Toadsworth to fully stand up.

"Thank you, by biscu.." Toadsworth stopped mid-catchphrase upon seeing Peach's yanking arm tense. He stopped talking and began acting.

Toadsworth pawed at the air rather vaguely and then began coughing. His coughing increased, and he had to sit down.

"Well, that-a sucked eggs." Mario said angrily. Then he teared up at the memory of his scotch egg.

"I think it was Peach's turn to guess…" Gadd said hesitantly.

"Oh, thank you so much." She snapped at him. "Like I can guess that. My guess is…a stupid old man?"

"I believe your guess is incorrect," Gadd said, missing the point entirely. "The purpose of charades is to _act_ as something."

"Ohh…" Toadsworth moaned.

If Toad had been there he would've laughed at the completely innocent honesty in Gadd's voice. But…

"Say, where's-a Toad?" Mario finally thought to ask.

Suddenly a loud clattering sound erupted from the kitchen, along with Luigi's screaming.

"Mmm, something smells good." Mario smacked his lips.


	4. Chapter 4: Luigi Serves An Odd Dinner

**Sorry for taking forever to update. I was only focusing on my two serious stories for the last two months or so but now I'm going to make an effort to alternate between all three of my active stories. So: updates for this will be coming at a more decent pace.**

Chapter 4: Luigi Serves An Odd Dinner

About thirty seconds back the boo egg that Luigi held in his hands was rapidly developing cracks. Luigi fumbled with it nervously and then put it down on a nearby table. The egg immediately stopped cracking.

"Oh thank god." Luigi wiped his brow. "I gotta ship this thing to a boo house or something before…"

Of course the egg exploded open at that point, showering Luigi with pieces of sharp eggshell. Some nearby utensils were sent flying, ultimately clattering to the floor. Luigi screamed.

A thick fog spilled out of the shell and then out popped a boo. It didn't look like a baby or anything- it just looked like a regular boo.

"Hey, what's up man?" The boo asked groggily.

"AAAaaaa…what?" Luigi stared unevenly at the boo. He didn't know how boo biology worked…perhaps this was just how they were born?

"Oh no…my fumes, man! Grab em'!" The boo started floating around and grabbing at the foggy clouds that had emerged from his egg. Luigi stood in place, still trying to process the situation. Someone knocked on the kitchen door.

"Luigi, are you okay in there?" Princess Peach asked somewhat sweetly. "You didn't burn the food, did you?"

_I'm not the terrible cook in the family! _Luigi wanted to shout back. He considered himself a gentleman, though, and he wouldn't shout at the princess. "It's…it's okay. I dropped a pan." He didn't want Mario to get involved with this…at least, not yet. Luigi was the rational brother, and he needed time to think about this.

"Oh no dude…my sweet stuff…! Help me out here!" The boo pleaded to Luigi.

"Is there someone else in there?" Peach asked.

"Uh…no." Luigi paused, praying the boo wouldn't say anything else.

"Oh. Okay." Peach walked away. Luigi rejoiced at Peach's continual lack of intelligence.

"Aw no dude…those were some nice fumes." The strange clouds dissipated and the boo floated back up onto the table that he had hatched on. "S'alright, I can get something almost as good in no time."

"Alright, what is going on, boo?" Luigi asked demandingly. He was too confused to sound really angry, though.

"Boo? Is that my name? Cools." Boo floated over to some cupboards. "Yo, you got any munchies?"

"What?! No, I meant that you're a member of the boo species, and no, there is nothing here for you to eat! What is going on here?!"

Boo rummaged around in the cupboards and managed to find an old bag of chips. Who knew how long they had been there. He dug in.

"Well, as far as I can see it, dude…I think I was just born, and, like, you're my dad or something." Boo paused, thinking. "Nah, nevermind, I think you're more like a bro sort of figure."

"What what what…" Luigi clutched his head. "I'm not your dad…I just found your egg…"

"Whatevs man, you hatched me, now we're family. Or was it just that we're comrades? Eh, whatever. Hey man, there's something funky about these chips."

"So I hatched you…now I'm stuck with you?"

"Hey, don't say it like that man. I'm not a liability, dude, in fact, I think I'll pull my weight around here." Boo grinned a little and winked. "Give me a patch of land out back and some time and we'll be cooking."

_What? Okay…so…I'm this boo's bro now…and he's not gonna leave. _Luigi scratched his head. _Well…he doesn't seem like a bad boo…and having another cohort for this insane hotel thing would be pretty nice. On the other hand…I'm not sure how Mario will react to this…_

"Hey man, what's burning over here?" Boo floated over to stovetop. "Whoa, hey Bro, are these mushrooms? I _love_ mushrooms."

"Burning…? Oh CRAP!" Luigi ran back over to the stovetop where the mushrooms were beginning to turn into ash. Luigi quickly turned off the heat and then stared in defeat at his failed dinner. "…Damn it."

"Hey man, this ain't no thing to get hung up about. Ash is healthy anyway, know what I'm saying?" Boo elbowed Luigi.

"Ash is not healthy! I don't know where you heard that…" Luigi sighed. "Anyway…look, you can stay here, but…"

"Aw yeah Bro! Where are we at?"

"A mansion. My mansion."

"Damn Bro! You making fat stacks?"

"No. And don't call me Bro, please. I already have one brother, and he's quite a handful already." Luigi squeezed his forehead with two fingers tiredly. "So look, there's…"

"WEEGEEEEEEE! WHERE IS THE FOOD?!" A ravenous scream blasted from the dining room.

"Just a minute!" Luigi called back as politely as he could.

"If I can't call you Bro…how about Uncle? And your name's Weegee? I'm thinkin' I'll call you Uncle Weeg."

"My name's not…" Luigi facepalmed. "Whatever. Look, you can disappear and stuff, right?"

"Yeah, sure man. I guess. I'm a boo, huh…" Boo tried disappearing. His entire form vanished, but he was still physically there.

"Okay. Perfect. Look, you have to listen, okay? There's a guy in red who lives here. He's got a hat and it has an M on it…"

"Whoa man, this feels weird. But a good weird, know what I'm sayin'?" Boo floated around invisibly. He bumped into a wall. "Aw, ouch man. I thought Boos could go through stuff?"

"Listen!" Luigi estimated where Boo was and grabbed him. Boo reappeared. "The guy in red who lives here- you can't let him see you, okay? And that goes for all the others who are in this mansion right now as well."

"Damn dude, that sounds like a real hassle, know what I'm sayin'? But if that's what you want Uncle Weeg…" Boo shrugged. "S'all good. I want to pay my rent and all, y'know, do whatever you need."

"Yeah, yeah, perfect." Luigi nodded and let go of Boo. "Okay, so go out the back door there and explore and whatever. Just make sure no one sees you."

"Alright, yeah Uncle Weeg, no problem. S' good chance to check out the back fields and stuff." Boo did a little wave and headed out. "See ya later."

"Yup, yup, bye!" Luigi waved until Boo was completely gone. Then he turned back to the ashy mushrooms. _Okay…okay…so, I'll keep Boo a secret from Mario until I can be sure he won't freak out. I'll just ask him…hypothetically…about boos hanging out when I get the chance. Now, as for the dinner…_

"Um, excuse me, Luigi…" Gadd peeked into the room. Luigi rushed forward just in time to block Gadd's view of the burnt dinner and the broken boo egg. Gadd was a bit startled. "Oh, my! Hello. I don't mean to be rude but I'd suggest you hurry with the dinner m'boy. Mario has begun staring at Stuffwell in a most disagreeable manner…while salivating."

"You're not seriously saying that you think Mario is going to eat Stuffwell, are you?" Luigi gave the professor an unbelieving look.

"Well…"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Stuffwell screamed from the dining room.

"You've got to be kidding!" Luigi almost exploded. Even for Mario this was a bit much.

"Is dinner ready, by any chance?" Gadd tried to peek in further.

"Yeah, er, just a second!" Luigi pushed Gadd out and shut the door behind him. He had to act fast. Mario was about to consume _leather_for goodness' sake. "The mushrooms…" No, wait… If he served that mess he was never going to hear the end of it from Peach. There had to be something else…

Luigi snapped his fingers. He had it. It would just require a bit of luck…

Luigi dove for the cupboards and opened all of the doors. Lo and behold: stuffed in the back corner of it were more bags of chips! Luigi dragged them all out, ripped them all open, and dumped them on top of the remains of Boo's egg shell. He picked the whole thing up, tossed it down on a giant plate, and then returned to the dining room. It was more of a couch snack than a dinner but it'd have to do. He slammed the makeshift meal onto the table victoriously.

"Dinner is served!" Luigi called out dramatically. He even bowed.

"…Wow." Peach stared curiously at the concoction. It looked grander than it actually was, with the different pieces of the egg shell sticking up at strange angles and almost creating a kind of artistic spin to the thing.

"So now, Mario, you can stop trying to eat Stuffwell!" Luigi told Mario sternly.

"What are you-a talking about, Weegee? I'm not-a barbarian!" Mario said, sounding hurt. It was true: he wasn't even near Stuffwell, who was in the exact same position as he had been in when Luigi had entered the kitchen.

"Professor…?" Luigi turned to Gadd.

"I only thought it would happen m'boy…" Gadd shook his head. "I suppose that that universe did not come to pass."

"Uhh…yeah…" Luigi looked over at Stuffwell who was paralyzed and bulging with dresses. "Wait, so Stuffwell, why were you screaming in pain just a moment ago?"

"Because… my _life_ is pain." Stuffwell moaned, wobbling a bit. No one said anything for two seconds.

"Oh STUFFWELL!" Mario chuckled. "We can always rely on you for a laugh!"

Everyone broke into laughter, except for Stuffwell who started crying.

"Good show, everyone!" Toadsworth said after a minute. "Now, wot, er, what are we having for dinner, Luigi, old chum?"

"Dried and shaved tubers served with calcified membrane."

"Oh yum!" Peach exclaimed, clearly with no idea of what Luigi had actually said. She grabbed a big piece of egg shell with some of the chips and took a big bite.

_Gee whiz, I sure hope that stuff isn't poisonous. _Luigi thought.

"Er, Luigi…" Gadd scratched his head with one finger. "Are you saying that this is…?"

"Ha ha, yes! I am saying that this is a delicious and nutritious meal!" Luigi covered Gadd's mouth.

"HMMMMMM this looks-a _familiar_…" Mario rubbed his chin. "I feel-a like…the pieces of a puzzle are-a coming back to me…"

_Oh no. Please don't notice the egg shells. _Luigi prayed silently.

"Can the dresses come out of me now?" Stuffwell moaned.

"Th-this is…!" Mario's eyes widened. "The BAD-A CHIPS!" He screamed.

"Mario, calm down!" Luigi ordered.

"No, Weegee…I ate-a those chips…and I was sick for-a THREE DAYS!" Mario shook his head. It was SO-a awful!"

"Wait…what?" Luigi's eyes widened. "Three…days? Mario, you aren't saying…" The thing that he had been sick with right before he had gotten that stupid hotel idea…?

"I don't feel so good…" Peach leaned over, turning green.

"Join the club." Stuffwell gasped.

"PEACHES!" Mario shrieked, damaging Luigi's eardrums.

"Mario, are you saying that you ate these chips about a week ago? And they are the ones you got sick from?"

"Oh yeh."

"And so…all of the chips in the cupboard…" Luigi's face was turning red. "You brought them here…after they made you sick?"

"Oh yeh. I-a carried them in my-a shirt and pants when we-a came here." Mario nodded.

Luigi wanted to scream, or shout, or let it all out, but now was not the time. Princess Peach was sick.

"Alright, Mario…" Luigi thought quickly. "Do we have any Megavitamins stored here?" _That Hammer Suit had been here without my knowledge, so…_

"Uhh…no. There wasn't-a enough room for both the chips and the Megavitamins, so…"

"Why would you take the chips that make you sick instead of the Megavitamins that cure people?" Luigi exploded.

"The Megavitamins don't-a taste good." Mario pouted.

"Good sirs, please." Toadsworth interjected. "By the bee's knees, the good Princess is sick. This is no time for your brotherly squabbles."

Peach tried to jerk the leash attached to the collar around Toadsworth's neck but she was too weak. She completely fell unconscious.

"Jolly good. Or bad. Er." Toadsworth walked up to Peach quietly and removed the leash from her limp hand. He started to work at removing the leash from his neck. "Master Mario, Master Luigi. The trip back to the castle is too far. The Princess will need to jolly stay here until she has fully recuperated."

_Oh god no. _Luigi felt like smacking his head against the wall.

"By the bee's knees, we will need to send someone to get some medical help, cup of tea…" Toadsworth babbled.

_So that's why Peach tortures him with that leash…_Luigi decided.

"So, who will go then, tally ho…?" Toadsworth asked.

"We should decide on this democratically." Gadd finally wrested away from Luigi, who had forgot that he had been muffling him. "Let's vote."

"Jolly good biscuits then, who should it be?" Toadsworth asked everyone.

"Toadsworth." Luigi voted.

"Toadsworth." Gadd agreed.

"Toadsworth." Mario joined along.

"TOADSWORTH!" Stuffwell screamed spitefully.

"Eh wot? But I am old…" Toadsworth complained feebly.

"And you're also stupid. A good combination." Luigi showed Toadsworth to the front door and then shoved him out into the cold rain. "See ya later."

"By the crumpets of cornwall, my cane!" Toadsworth shouted back before the door slammed shut in his face.

Luigi returned to the dining room.

"Do you think he'll be reliable on being able to even get back to the castle?" Luigi asked Gadd.

"No, almost certainly not." Gadd shook his head. "I just wanted him out."

Mario, Luigi, and Stuffwell each agreed in their own ways.

"Looks like he left-a his dumb cane here." Mario played around with Toadsworth's brown-topped cane.

"It doesn't really matter. I still have a little flying trinket I created a few years back that I stored in my lab nearby." Gadd grinned, showing off his missing teeth. I'll take it, go to Mushroom Castle, get a doctor, and bring everyone back some Burger King."

"Professor Gadd, still the best!" Luigi high-fived Gadd enthusiastically.

"_Burger King!_" Mario squealed.

Everyone who was still in the room laughed, except for Stuffwell who sobbed and Peach who was unconscious.

"A happy-ish ending." Luigi crossed his arms. "But I feel like we're forgetting something."


End file.
